Bad Jobs

The worst job I ever had was selling knives for Cutco (nice name) about 10 years ago while I was in school. I hate pushing crap on people so I don't know why I did it.

What the hell did you do all day yesterday?

Why don't you just shut the hell up.

Anyway, I went through training and then, per Crapco, started pushing knives on my family. I'd do a 20 minute presentation where you cut a penny in half with Crapco scissors - wow! And then I would actually take a Chef knife and shave the hair on my arm. My family was very kind and bought stuff but then you have to go door to door and cold call. I really hate that. I think in a month I made about $42. A month was all I lasted. Alas, I wasn't Crapco material. I never became an important cog in the Crapco wheel. Their paradigm zigged and mine zagged.

I learned a valuable lesson though. You want to know how sharp a knife is? Try shaving your arm.

It just occured to me that you can also test your knives sharpness by shaving your ass hair because really, when you shave your arm you end up with little square patches of hairless arm which is unsightly. But no one wants ass hair. Well, maybe some people do but they're weirdos. The problem with shaving your ass hair with a chef's knife are threefold:

1) It's very hard to see your ass let alone shave it with a big knife.

2) The most obvious - it's your ass which is very close to your genitals.

3) After you shave your ass would you really want to eat something you just cut up using that knife? Even if you wash it, you won't be able to get the image out of your head that the food you are eating was cut up using an assy knife.

You know what? Just shave your arm.